It seems like everyone has a profile on a dating website somewhere – whether it be eharmony, match.com, or smushroom.net. Some are lonely; some are depressed and hurting; some are just looking for a hook-up. “Single” used to have a stigma attached to it; now there are thousands signing up every day. So what changed?
Nothing changed. People have craved the love of others since the beginning of time. Literally.
Adam, the very first man on earth, had everything a man could want: free food, an easy job, lots of exotic pets, and the best man cave you’ve ever seen. But he had no one to share it with. Oh sure, the talking snake was pretty interesting and he never had to go shopping, but with no one by his side, it got pretty lonely.
Here are four principles we can learn from Adam.
1. You can stop looking for a spouse; it really isn’t up to you.
Even though God Himself visited Adam in the garden everyday (Genesis 3:8), He determined that ‘It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.” (Genesis 2:18) God recognized that Adam needed someone that was a good fit for him. Adam had searched among the animals and birds, but to no avail. (Genesis 2:20) Perhaps the search helped Adam cherish Eve when she was finally given to him. Whether your search is in full swing or you feel like giving up, don’t be naïve and assume that it’s all on you and your charm and rugged good looks will make her swoon at the mere sight of you. God will give you your helper when the time is right. Stop looking in all the wrong places; starting looking to God to give you what you need when you need it.
2. God does all the work; you need only be willing to wait and receive from Him.
Notice that God does all the action in this story. God caused, God took, God closed, God fashioned, God brought. All Adam did was dream.
“So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh at that place. And the LORD God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man.
As Adam slept, God formed the woman of Adam’s dreams out of one of his ribs. Why a rib? Think of what the rib cage does. It surrounds and protects the heart. Your helper will always be there by your side and help guard your heart from sin. Guys, if your girlfriend causes you to stop following God, then she is not the helper God intended for you. Ladies, if your boyfriend stabs your heart repeatedly with harsh words or by cheating on you, have nothing to do with him. Don’t let impatience deprive you of the gift God wants to give you when He is finished molding your helper.
3. While you are waiting, let God mold you as well.
Adam did not need to see Eve being formed and stretched by God. It was probably not a pretty sight. Similarly, we may often wish to have known our “helper” our entire lives, but God sometimes doesn’t let us see them being molded until He can present a person that can actually be a help to you. While you wait, let God mold you into the person He wants you to be.
4. Dream big and don’t settle; God will give you someone even better than you can imagine.
Imagine what Adam was dreaming. Having not yet seen a woman, he would have no concept of what she would look like. Only in his dreams could he begin to imagine. “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him” (1 Corinthians 2:9). Imagine his surprise when he awakened to find Eve standing right before his eyes. He wasn’t dreaming anymore; his dream girl was flesh and bones reality.
I’m not saying you should cancel your Eharmony membership, stop working out, stop showering, and go live in a van down by the river. There’s a difference between looking and finding. “Looking” means going to bars or clubs or singles groups or church or anywhere where you might meet other single people. “Looking” means joining several dating sites and scanning profiles everyday and sending/responding to messages frequently. “Looking” involves constant work, frustration, and confusion because you never know when you might run into “the one” so you better not stay in tonight or neglect those emails or you might miss your soul mate. “Finding” involves listening to God and letting Him direct your life. You might find your helper at work or church or even on a dating site. Have the confidence to know that as you go about doing what God wants you to do, you will find that God will give you everything you need along the way.
The pressure is off. God has already written your love story; you just need to live it out and let Him fill in the details.
As an added bonus, here are the top ten reasons your dating site profile might be hurting your chances of getting a date. The sad thing is that every one of these is a true story, either witnessed by myself or others.
10. You uploaded 8 photos with the same “blue steel” pose that you took with your camera phone in the bathroom mirror.
9. One of your photos shows you kissing a dolphin or literally hugging a tree.
8. Under interests you put “productive leisure activities.”
7. For your ideal first date you said, “We should go to the local mall establishment, talk for thirty minutes, then give the other person ten dollars to buy a gift for each other.”
6. Your user name is NightVampire666.
5. You skip the icebreakers and send 20 matches the same message: “Hey princess.”
4. At least one of your photos is a not-so-subtle lean toward the camera as if you do not know that your cleavage is falling out.
3. Your primary photo is a picture of your car – not a picture of yourself sitting IN your car – just the car.
2. An inordinate amount of your profile is spent discussing the bad breakup you have yet to get over.
1. Under profession you write “spokesmodel” but your profile pic is really your Glamour Shots senior picture from ten years ago.